A New Year – A New You

There are still a couple spots left for participation in this course!  

We begin Monday, 14 January, 2013 in Carleton Place and Thursday, 17 January on Skype.  Details below…

When we know that Life offers us more than what we appear to be experiencing we begin to search for answers.  We sense that in truth the answers lie within but for some reason we are not accessing them.

What better time than at the start of a New Year to begin the process of Self Transformation?

Carleton Place 

Coach Mary will facilitate a small group (3 to 6 participants) in Carleton Place.  Our first session will be Monday 14 January 2013, 7:30 PM.  Join us then to experience the first steps in your new adventure and then register for the sessions following.

Contact: baerg-martens@hotmail.com

Long Distance – On Line

Coach Mary will facilitate a small group (3 to 6 participants) via Skype.  Our first session is Thursday, 17 January 2013, 7:00 PM EST.  Join us then to experience the first steps in your new adventure and then register for the sessions following.

Contact: baerg-martens@hotmail.com

Testimonials

“Mary is an amazing coach with the skills to get to the underlying matter of the challenges I was facing.  She was able to shift my awareness enabling me to see what I truly needed to focus on . . . the things within my own energy and life that I needed to shift to align myself with my Intentions and then inspire me into action I knew I needed to take to move forward.  Mary is a powerful partner in my continuing transformation.”

Dave

“I just wanted to say a heartfelt thank-you to you for joyously instructing.  Your coaching for these courses is enlightening and fun.  With attention to each participant discussions help to open our spiritual, emotional and mental way of being.  Your approach to meditation is soothing and rejuvenating”

Jill

LIFE IS WONDERFUL!

LIFE HAS CHALLENGES!

MOVE THROUGH THEM WITH GRACE AND EQUANIMITY

A Course in

Self-Awareness, Self-Development and Personal Fulfillment

In applying the tools presented in this course we achieve our goals whether that be

• Improving relationships or entering into one
• Finding a new job or moving ahead in a current career
• Overcoming a personal tragedy
• Increasing financial, physical or emotional well-being

STEP ONE

In any project or undertaking the first step is to know what we are dealing with.  So in working with ourselves to achieve our dreams or to change our life we first must become aware of what is really going on with ourselves.   The initial course is:

BEING THE OBSERVER

Two Seven-Session Modules

$140 per Module

• When:  A new group meets Monday, 14 January, 2013 at 7:30 PM  (see details above for distance group)  
• Who:  Mary Martens. Please use this link to read about Coach Mary

http://coachingmary.wordpress.com/about/
.

• Where:  Home of Mary Martens in Carleton Place (address upon registration)
• What: In this first section of the course we will work with

1. Self-perception
2. Self-observation techniques
3. Defining your particular obstacles to manifesting your desires
4. Meditation
5. Introducing the basic energy centers

CONTACT

Mary Martens

baerg-martens@hotmail.com

My intent is to assist my clients in moving with simplicity and ease through their healing, growth and evolution.

NOTE – if you are interested in this course but class time is simply not possible for you contact me to discuss other options

Some Day I Hope You’ll Join Us

As we near the end of 2012 and the Mayan Calendar we may be wondering what is ending?  Or could it be a beginning?

I am living in a new world – one that I did not know existed a while back.   This world has always been here running parallel to or simultaneously with the world I inhabited but I was unaware of it.  There are many portals to this world through which we can step and in first discovering it we find ourselves being drawn back and forth across the threshold over and over as we continue to make the choice to live in this new world.  We get pulled from the real world back into the world of illusion as it is quite magnetic for many reasons.

Our collective past has us believing that this physical world we inhabit is real and concrete and that we have little affect on it.  We believe that what is IS and if we don’t like it we must fight it or put up with it.  We believe that because there are aspects to this concrete world that don’t fit our vision of an ideal world that it does not nor ever will exist for us.  We believe that because there are people in this world that hold mal-intent, selfishness, greed and dishonesty that those forces will too often win out.   And in holding onto these beliefs we hold this broken world in place.  We hold ourselves in it.

We are not here to suffer and yet so many do.  We believe such strange things about suffering such as it is our lot in life.

We deserve to be happy.  We deserve to be fulfilled.

We deserve to have comforts in life.

      

We deserve companionship and enjoyment.

Regardless of our circumstances we deserve these things.

No matter what, no matter how low or bad things go we can raise ourselves up to this new world.  The portals are within each of us to access.  And each time we pass through one another is there through which we can step.  And yes we will step back and forth each time as we raise ourselves and get drawn back down and raise ourselves again until we pass through the portal a final time to reside there a while before moving through the next and the next and the next.  Once we have been there we can go there again and again until we finally call it home.

I visit my old worlds often because I have many people in my life that still live in them.  But I do not stay there anymore.  My world is a world similar to what John Lennon sang of in his beautiful song “Imagine”.  Some day I hope you’ll join us….

.

It’s an Odd Behaviour We Have

Strangely we have a propensity to view things negatively.  We tend to see the world as a nice place to be BUT (there is so often a “but”….)  We see something not so nice happen and start thinking “bad  things always happen”.  We see a moment when we don’t have something that we would like to have and we think “we’ll never get it” or once we have it that “we’ll lose it”.  We hear that a great big storm is on the way and that everything is going to fall apart around us.

We hear news of some virus that’s going around and we’re sure we’re all going to get sick.

Well yes, sometimes not so nice things happen.  However, look back on your life.  Out of all your moments how many were truly awful?

• How many were pretty fine?
• How many were comfortable?
• How many were satisfying?
• How many were filled with laughter and fun?
• How many were filled with joy and excitement?

Life Is Pretty Good

Can we truly say that most of life is negative?  It is long overdue that we begin to change our perspective.  Our focus on horror, negativity, lack, greed, envy must shift to seeing what really IS.  Most of what goes on is beautiful, positive, abundant, caring, compassionate, joyful and satisfying.

Most of Life is wonderful!  And isn’t that what we would prefer?

But (and here’s that “but” again) - we hit a bump in the road and in the oddest behaviour imaginable we want to stay with that bump by

• complaining about it.
• analyzing it.
• trying to fix it.
• blaming someone or something for it.

We point fingers and panic!

Bumps in the road or challenges happen but when we focus on them in a negative way we make the challenge harder for us to move through.   This behaviour can even make the challenge bigger or worse (to use a negative perspective).

I’ve been asked over and over:

“Well, what do we do about those things that are not good in this world?”

First we must stop our negative focus, our negative reactions and importantly our finger pointing.  When we are in negativity and thinking someone or something is out to do us harm (whether or not they really are) we feel threatened and unsafe.

Second we must acknowledge what IS.  See the situation as it IS (just the facts).  This will give us a sense of some control.

Third we must know what we would prefer to what IS.  This empowers us.

Fourth we can now go about manifesting what we prefer.  This also empowers us.

Let’s take an example:

I often hear people complain about big companies that are selling things that are considered not good for us and yet the company claims these things are good for us and continue to sell and promote their ‘goods’.  A common reaction to this is to

• complain about the company and their products,
• petition against the company,
• put forth government legislation in attempts to stop or hinder the company,
• demonstrate against the company and its policies, etc.

Now, if we were in the company’s shoes would we not fight back?  And does that then not encourage us to fight back?  And on and on it goes.  So all of these things we think we are doing to make a better world are in fact keeping it just the way it is.

In this scenario what would we prefer?  What would our world be like for us if it were the way we prefer?  Probabilities might include:

• having goods and services that are in fact good for us.
• having companies that have everyone’s best interests at heart
• a peaceful resolution

Envision that this is so and then begin to see how it would manifest.   We know it does not manifest well through aggressive means such as those listed above although it may with much adversity and anguish.   And we would prefer to have this new world or situation manifest with more ease.

Individually we do not have to be someone like Gandhi or Mother Teresa to make a difference.  What role can each of us play to bring about the change we desire without going into anger and finger pointing tactics and the roller coaster of emotional outbursts?

We must keep the focus on us and what we prefer.  Some possibilities include:

• producing our own beneficial goods individually and collectively so that we are no longer dependent on the company’s ‘goods’
• educating ourselves and each other on healthy choices
• educating our leaders with the focus on what we desire (not what we don’t want)
• consistently letting our leaders and the company know what we prefer by purchasing only beneficial goods
• letting our leaders and the company know what we prefer by stating consistently, repeatedly and unwaveringly what that is.
• discontinue talking and thinking about what we don’t want – keep the focus on what we DO want

What we are talking about here is a difficult relationship – between a company and the people and what amounts to a disagreement.  We could as easily be talking about a relationship between two people.  Focus on what you DO want.

The change in our world will not happen overnight but with consistency of focus on what we desire to manifest we become the change we want to see in the world and our world will change in accordance with that.

When Someone Does Something Horrible

I have been having discussions lately with myself and with friends about some of the very terrible things that can and do happen.  In particular the discussions are about the ugly side of what humans have done to each other.

How can one move into acceptance or better yet move on from it and let it go so that it no longer affects our life and we can begin to find pleasure again?

There are many sides to each story of trauma and we can look at:

• the one who has experienced it as having had the horrible thing done to them,
• the one(s) who have witnessed it in some way (either the act itself or the after effects),
• the one who has acted out the terrible thing.

Let’s suppose someone has done something that has left you hurt either physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually (or all of them).  How do we now proceed?  How do we find our way back to a place of well-being after having been deeply hurt?

Old Habits

One of our first instincts is to focus our attention on the person(s) who hurt us.  We want to blame them for our pain.  Seems logical because they did it after all!

What does focussing on the perpetrator do for us?

• Does it take away the pain?
• Does it change what happened?
• Would taking some action toward the perpetrator change what happened and would it take away our pain?  (We are not suggesting that for having done something that hurts others there ought not to be consequences.  We are suggesting ways for ourselves to heal after a trauma.)

Shifting Our Focus

• We cannot change what has happened.
• We cannot change the person who did this thing.

We can only change how we focus our attention and how we choose to handle ourselves and our healing.  Our focus must be on ourselves – not on the other person nor on the event.  Our focus must be on our healing.  Part of this healing may include stopping the person from doing this thing again by taking it to the law or, depending on the situation in some other way.  Part of this healing may include helping others who have been similarly traumatized.

Your Healing Process Will Be Individual To You 

But the focus is on healing oneself and nothing else.  No blame, no revenge, no judgement as these things do not heal pain.  In fact they perpetuate it.

There will be soul-searching, acknowledging the pain, acknowledging what has happened and what one is feeling, acceptance, and letting go.  The process may be repeated many times but each time will be easier and lighter until the pain no longer has a hold on you.

What About Those That Witness The Trauma?

We have all witnessed in some way horrific events and even if we are not closely associated with those involved we have thoughts and feelings about it.  It affects us.  We feel compassion and empathy and often we want to help the ones that are suffering.  We feel anger and revulsion towards the perpetrator.  We may feel unable to do anything and this affects us as well.  Again we have a tendency to focus on the situation and want to blame or take out some form of revenge.  Blame and revenge do not heal.

Our healing will be similar to the one who has been hurt.  Again we must focus on ourselves.  We must look to our own process in this and it may include doing something active to help correct the situation but the focus must be on what needs attention within.

And If You Are The One Who Has Done This Terrible Thing?

Let us be honest here – we have all done things wittingly or not out of which someone has been hurt. We may be in some form of denial to make what was done seem not so awful.  We may have found ways to justify our actions.  Justification is simply another way to lay blame.

How do we heal if we are the ones who have hurt others?  It must start with acknowledging what has happened.  We must acknowledge the reality of what we have done.  Healing will again be similar to those that were hurt and often will include answering for the consequences of our actions.  But the focus must be on oneself.

Looking at the depths of one’s own darkness takes great courage.  As with all involved there will be soul-searching,  acknowledging the pain and darkness, acknowledging what has happened and what one is feeling, acceptance, and letting go.  The process may be repeated many times but each time will be easier and lighter until the pain no longer has a hold on you.

Responsibility

We must take responsibility for our own parts in any of these circumstances.  We cannot take responsibility for anyone else nor can we know what the situation is about for them.

What we can do is look to our individual process, healing and moving forward to a brighter future.

Changing Your World

Lately we have been discussing here how we attract in a collective way

Who or What is at Fault , We Create Everything in Our Reality?!

and I was asked when individual concerns would be addressed.  We will start with some examples that may be less charged than others and may be a little silly (we can always use a chance to laugh at ourselves).  And yet these can be true to life….

We all have preferences and often we find ourselves in situations where we are not receiving that which we prefer in our circumstances.  My Friends like to use ice cream as an example and I like that as well.

Let’s say you would like an ice cream treat so you go to the parlour to get some.  Your favourite flavour is Rocky Road so you are anticipating that wonderful serving of Rocky Road ice cream.  However when you arrive you see that they only serve Bubble Gum flavour which is one you don’t like at all.  Because you want ice cream you settle for a serving of Bubble Gum but it really doesn’t satisfy you and you throw most of it away.

You go back a few days later and the same thing happens – no Rocky Road and only Bubble Gum which you purchase and throw most away.  You repeat this procedure several times until you finally recognize that this situation is not going to change until you change.  What is the change you make within yourself?  Once you change “within” your “without” will begin to change as well.

As you look at all of what you feel when you are in the situation you will begin to see why you behave the way you do.

• How do you feel when Rocky Road is not available?
• How do you feel when you buy Bubble Gum and taste it and throw it away?
• What motivates you to buy something you didn’t want in the first place?
• Why do you keep going back for more of the same?

Some things you know for certain are:

• that you desire Rocky Road.
• You do not desire Bubble Gum.

So you change a behaviour by not purchasing the Bubble Gum.   You may still be disappointed that there is no Rocky Road but you are now not accepting something you do not like.  Once you begin to change within your outer world will also begin to change but be aware that it will not necessarily change in the time frame you think it should, nor will it necessarily change in the way you think it should.

Focus on the desire, not the Not Having of the desire.

You maintain your desire for a serving of Rocky Road ice cream and at some time it will come to you.  You may find yourself going to a different ice cream parlour where they always have Rocky Road, or visiting a friend who keeps it in her freezer just for friends like you.  Or you may learn how to make your own ice cream.  Simply be assured that you will get your desire of a serving of Rocky Road ice cream!

What about something a little more difficult, something within relationship?

For the ladies:

Every time you meet he plays “robin hood!”.  (For those unfamiliar with this ‘game’ someone pulls on the rear bra strap and lets it snap back)

Apart from this childish routine he is intelligent, caring and fun to be with.

For the gentlemen:

Every time you meet she licks her fingers and smoothes your hair.

Sorry Guys! I couldn’t resist this pic.

Apart from this unfortunate behaviour she is intelligent, caring and fun to be with.

As with the ice cream why do we keep going back for more of the same?  Why do we accept Bubble Gum or Robin Hood or Spitty Hair?  Yes, for starters we like ice cream and each other however we want to shift ourselves so that our outer world reflects something a little different.  We want the Rocky Road ice cream and we want to let go of being teased childishly or treated like a child.

• We empower ourselves when we look within to know what it is that keeps us accepting something other than Rocky Road.
• We empower ourselves when we look within and recognize why we allow and accept being abused in the name of “teasing”.
• we empower ourselves when we look within and recognize why we allow and accept being ridiculed in the name of “caring about us”.

Look within!  When you can understand why you personally allow or accept what is going on you can then let that energy go.   You may not notice changes in your outer world immediately and there may be resistance within your interactions to accepting the new energy of who you are becoming.  And sometimes you will need to simply let the situation or circumstance go too.  Always remember that it is only you that you can change.  You cannot change anything or anyone else.  Your world will not change unless you do.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

Who or What Is At Fault?

We are needing to go deeper into the subject of blame.

• Blame implies fault.
• It requires our belief that an external impetus or a force is being exerted upon us.
• It absolves us of responsibility.
• It puts us in a place of denial.

We all do this consistently on an individual basis as well as collectively.  

Shifting Out of Blame

Here are a few sayings we have been hearing over and over:

• You can’t change anyone but yourself
• Be the change you want to see

Recognize that these sayings (which we are understanding better and better) puts the onus on ourselves!  There is nothing in them that indicates anything but Self.  Not one  thing else is involved in the change we may be wanting.  It is all about each of us individually and all of us collectively.

What We Don’t Like

We can list many things on a personal and collective basis that we experience that are not to our liking.  Here is a partial list of things, circumstances and people:

• that threaten our physical well-being such as
  1. illness,
  2. accidents,
  3. bullies,
  4. war,
  5. poverty,
  6. destruction of the environment…

   

•  that reduce or restrict our pleasure and creative juices such as
  1. morals,
  2. laws,
  3. beliefs,
  4. judgements…

 

    

•  that deplete our sense of self worth such as
  1. grading systems,
  2. pay levels,
  3. critiques
  4. performance reviews….

• that leave us feeling unloved and unlovable such as
  1. divorce
  2. abandonment
  3. neglect
  4. disregard

If we attract these things the question arises:

Why is this so and what can we/I do to shift our/my experience to one which is preferable?

Until we are willing to see how we fault others or circumstances we will not progress and Life will continue to show us that outside influences are the reason things happen.  As long as we believe something or someone is responsible for what is going on for us nothing will change.

Cancer

Here’s a topic that most of us can relate to as we have all been affected by this illness in some way or another.

• We think of cancer as something that hurts or threatens us.
• We see it as invading our bodies and attacking our very existence.
• We think we must fight it.
• We initiate campaigns to raise money to continue research into how to battle this scourge.
• We personify it and focus an enormous amount of attention on this” beast”.
• We ask each other to join our cause against cancer by walking in support of it (now that’s the opposite of fighting it and is the same energy).
• We ask each other to turn Facebook pink in support of breast cancer awareness.

All this activity, all this attention makes it bigger in our awareness and thus we see and experience it everywhere.  Whatever is in our awareness will bring us more.

Think of babies and you’ll be seeing babies and pregnant women almost every time you turn around especially if you are wanting to start a family.

       

But, How Do We Stop Cancer?

• Stop focussing on it.
• Stop fighting it.
• Stop thinking about it.
• Stop worrying about it.
• Stop fearing it.

The more we push at it the more we bring it on.

This sounds flippant because for many of us it is a serious concern but in it’s being a serious concern cancer just got bigger!  And now we start trying to make it go away and then when it won’t we face it and fight it and it fights back.  And the cycle or vortex gets bigger and stronger and more difficult to release.

Let It Go!

Remember Bird Flu?  We were all so afraid of that but after a while our attention turned to other things and bird flu flew away!  Let it go and it’s gone!

When we stop putting money (which is energy) into research (which is mental energy) on cancer, when we stop fearing it, when the media stop entertaining us with the horrors of it, when we stop saying, “cancer killed these people” (this personifies and empowers it), when we let cancer go it will no longer be what it now is to us.

Personal Note

It has not been easy for me to come to this understanding.   My own experience with cancer includes the death of my son and I wanted to blame cancer for my loss and my grief.

How could I possibly have brought this on myself?  What energy within me is drawing experiences such as this?  What darkness do I hold that reflects such sadness to me?

The answers to these questions can only come with inner reflection as each of us individually will find the answers that apply to us.  How or why I and my son would share this experience will have different answers than those anyone else would have.  And yet, as I heal and release my energies around this experience that will help the collective of those experiencing similar energies.

It is not easy to look at the darkness or shadows within.  It takes courage but once that first beam of light (or awareness) is shone the darkness has no more power.

Atheism’s Role in Our Evolution

Why would I be addressing this topic on a blog site that deals with Spirituality?  Simply put Atheism is a very spiritual point of view about Existence.  (We are all spiritual beings even if we may not see ourselves this way.)

My Identification With Atheism

I journeyed through Atheistic dogma – and yes it is dogma or simply another set of beliefs that are counter to traditional religious belief precepts.  Most of my life was spent identifying as Atheist.  As with others who see themselves in this way I felt deeply moved by humanity’s plight as well as the Earth’s.

I was entranced by the beauty of nature

and revelled in the glory of the creative arts. I felt fortunate to be alive and wanted to add whatever talents and capabilities I had to the greater good of humanity and our Earth.

A good portion of humans move through this stage in their spiritual journey as it is part of their process and may be linked to their personality type or one of their archetypes (energetic signatures).  Often one of the archetypes is the Rebel, the personality type may include a strong logical component or be focussed most on mental body attributes.

Blind Faith

Atheism is an equal and opposite reaction to the concept of an outside force or being that watches over us and takes care of us.

• It is a departure from seeing ourselves as having no part in our Being-ness, in how our life transpires or in how we create.
• It is a step towards understanding our individuality even though it often includes a strong sense of separation.

Atheism is a big step beyond blind, unaware faith.

• It is a step toward understanding our creative potential.
• It points out the inconsistencies of traditional religious precepts.
• It points out that we are responsible for our reality on an individual and collective plane.
• It begins to bring some clarity to what part we play in how our world appears to be and how our individual lives play out.

The Next Step

But human evolution and our spiritual evolution does not stop there.  We continue to grow and evolve.  All belief systems including Atheism contain a strong element of resistance to seeing anything other than the beliefs that are held so tightly.  If this does not sit well with us we need only look to any group that holds beliefs that differ from ours to see this resistance.

Letting Go of Beliefs

It is not easy to release our attachment to our beliefs.  We don’t like change.  Beliefs comfort us to some extent and yet they can cause us much suffering especially when they are inconsistent with our experience.  We will dismiss experiences that push at our beliefs as being coincidence or not real.  It takes huge amounts of energy to hold a point of view in place and even more to try to convince someone else of our point of view.  When we can relax our grip on our beliefs we experience an audible sigh of relief.

Atheism holds an important place in our spiritual evolutionary process.  Not everyone will proceed through it as it is not necessary for all to do so.  However, Atheism can point the way to the next step in our spiritual evolutionary journey.