On Anger

Anger can be an appropriate or authentic feeling or it can be a misplaced reaction stemming from unresolved or subconscious issues.

First, anger as an appropriate response might be in correcting an injustice.  For example if you witness an adult harming a child your anger will motivate you to take actions to protect the child.

Or you’ve been waiting patiently as someone gets in their car to leave so you can park in that spot but someone else zips in ahead of you, jumps out and leaves quickly.  Your anger may be justified but now there is little you can do to correct the situation.  What do you do with this anger now? Do you chase the person down and confront?  Do you lash out at someone else?  Do you seethe and stew in this anger?  We can see that none of these options can lead to a positive outcome for you or those around you.

This is the time to look at things differently.  You cannot know why this person acted in this way.  So let the anger go for the moment and find another parking spot.  Use the anger to motivate you to see what is important.  Is parking in that spot or making sure that person knows you were waiting for it really that important?  Being angry takes much energy and maintaining an angry stance is physically, emotionally and mentally draining.  So stop and ask yourself, “Is this worth it?  Can I let this go?”  It comes down to choosing.

But what of anger that comes unbidden in inappropriate situations often seemingly out of nowhere?  Have you ever said or done something that triggered a sudden unexpected angry outbutst from someone or have you ever been triggered yourself?  These unpredictable, inappropriate angry reactions come from the subconscious.  They stem from misperceptions and misinterpretations stored in the subconscious at a time in our lives when we were vulnerable and open.

As babies and until the age of five or six  we are observing our world and downloading our experiences.  Imagine a child that witnesses exchanges between his parents that involve angry outbursts.  This child learns how to be angry and how to react to anger.  As this child grows this stored “knowledge” governs his behavior.  Situations will come up that trigger an angry reaction or how he responds to anger being directed at him.  Until this person recognizes his patterned behavior this subconscious “knowledge” or “wounding” will continue to play out in his reactions.

It’s important to recognize that we cannot change someone elses feelings, responses or reactions.  We CAN shift our own.  By knowing yourself, watching yourself you can learn what subconscious misperceptions are influencing you.  Then you can make a conscious choice to begin healing, to no longer be angry or respond to anger in fear.

As you bring love and light to your deepest pain it will begin to dissolve.

In Love and Light,



About Coach Mary

Mary is a Master Maven Coach (Maven Method™) - one of the deepest reaching and most effective coaching methods at present and is also trained in the Golden Flow™ Method of releasing blocks and flowing with life. She has completed the Mastery of Awareness and Transformation courses with Kris and Kalyn Raphael, certified personal growth guides from the don Miguel Ruiz lineage (world renowned author of The Four Agreements). Mary’s life experience has exposed her to many varied careers, many joys and some deeply painful events. She has released and healed the crushing grief from the death of her son to rediscover the love and joy of life. All have led to an inner awakening and a drive to know her Self deeply and to live life fully, consciously and with Intent. Among her dreams is to guide and support others in their journey through self-awareness and transformation.
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