Last week we began looking at childhood wounds. These wounds come about through basic needs not being met. We know that we must heal these parts of self from within – Self to self.
Bricks in the Wall
But we must know what the need is. Over time this need becomes distorted by our coping mechanisms and ways of dealing with the feelings around the unmet need create behaviours to compensate for not having had the need met. These compensations are bricks in the wall of the subconscious.
We begin to protect ourselves from our unmet need by masking it or hiding from it.
Without a sense of Safety we may become a victim or a bully. We may hide from everything that scares us or we may fight it tooth and nail.
Without a sense of Security we may hoard money or things or cling to the people in our lives. Or we may throw up our hands and spend with abandon or take unnecessary risks.
When a wound is around Control or Autonomy we may become rebellious toward or cowed by authority. We may follow rules to the letter and make more up for ourselves or become indecisive and want others to make our choices for us. We may become demanding and authoritarian or submissive and acquiescent.
Without a sense of feeling Accepted we may become reclusive or do anything to be liked. We may decide we like to be alone or that people are too much trouble. Without a sense of being Approved of we may try constantly to prove ourselves worthy. Or we may decide our contribution is of no value.
Without a sense of feeling Loved we may close our hearts. We may feel we are unlovable or we may try to find ways to be loveable.
When we begin to grasp at or repel from the wounds of unmet needs we begin pretend to be something other than Who we truly Are. We are putting on the mask of pretension and we will call this ego.