In my last posting we looked at how we begin to build our subconscious.
All of this places brick after brick in the wall of the subconscious
and more and more pretensions for ego to mask itself behind.
Our Little Inner Selves
We do not have only one incident that begins the wall building. We have many and each one begins a wall of its own. In a sense we create many little selves or magnetic centres that may or may not be aware of each other. Those that are aware of each other may work together.
Some are more predominant in our lives in that we act from them more than from others. These are the ones that appear grown up as we have developed effective coping skills to behave more acceptably in society.
Do We Really Know Ourselves?
We believe ourselves to be mature adults but most of the time we are simply masking ourselves from the world and ourselves. Every now and then something will happen that triggers a reaction from one of our little selves and we find ourselves acting like a young child or engaging in one of our pretensions that we created along the way to inhabiting an adult body.
For the most part we are completely unaware of how we are behaving. We think we know ourselves but when we begin to truly observe ourselves we will be surprised at what we find. Much of the time it is not pleasant to see ourselves as we really are. To admit that we judge, bully and victimize ourselves and each other is hard on ego and ego will do anything to keep us from seeing the truth about ourselves.
Acting Out Our Subconscious Pain
When we find ourselves behaving in the manner of one of these little selves that inhabit our subconscious it is as though we are them. We become this little self for a while and act out the pain in which this immature piece of self is stuck. It has been wounded at a time in its life when it is not capable of understanding what is happening nor is it able to cope with the pain it is experiencing. It remains wounded and in the same state of fear and pain as the original experience.
As we get older we develop coping mechanisms to get us through the pain when it surfaces and these become behaviours or patterns of thought that we use to be more acceptable to ourselves and to society. This is called conditioning.
Triggers and Charges
Sometimes we get so triggered or there is a build-up over time while we suppress our emotions that a very young version explodes onto the scene. Once we are in the vortex of the emotions that accompany the wounded self it is very difficult to pull ourselves back out and behave “normally”. When we get stuck in a “charge” (the emotions related to the wounded child) we indulge in it – in other words we become it and act it out. It takes over and we are lost in it. We are not ourselves.
Indulging in the Little Self
Sometimes this indulging will be over in a flash and other times it can last days. Sometimes we will pout and brood or rant and complain over some ‘hurt’ for months, even years. When we finally come back to some form of centre or what we might call “normal” we often forget how we were behaving or we make excuses for what happened. We often do not believe that we have acted in a certain way when we are told later about it. We deny the whole thing or try to explain it away. Ego is very good at keeping us from seeing what is really going on.
These little selves have taken on a life of their own. They are energetic signatures within us that exist outside of our awareness. They affect our lives as even though they are not us they inhabit us and attract “like” energy to us.
Denying their existence will not make them disappear nor stop them from attracting like energy. We must dis-cover them and then work with them to heal and release the emotional signatures they hold.