When Someone Does Something Horrible

I have been having discussions lately with myself and with friends about some of the very terrible things that can and do happen.  In particular the discussions are about the ugly side of what humans have done to each other.

How can one move into acceptance or better yet move on from it and let it go so that it no longer affects our life and we can begin to find pleasure again?

There are many sides to each story of trauma and we can look at:

  • the one who has experienced it as having had the horrible thing done to them,
  • the one(s) who have witnessed it in some way (either the act itself or the after effects),
  • the one who has acted out the terrible thing.

Let’s suppose someone has done something that has left you hurt either physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually (or all of them).  How do we now proceed?  How do we find our way back to a place of well-being after having been deeply hurt?

Old Habits

One of our first instincts is to focus our attention on the person(s) who hurt us.  We want to blame them for our pain.  Seems logical because they did it after all!

What does focussing on the perpetrator do for us?

  • Does it take away the pain?
  • Does it change what happened?
  • Would taking some action toward the perpetrator change what happened and would it take away our pain?  (We are not suggesting that for having done something that hurts others there ought not to be consequences.  We are suggesting ways for ourselves to heal after a trauma.)

Shifting Our Focus

  • We cannot change what has happened.
  • We cannot change the person who did this thing.

We can only change how we focus our attention and how we choose to handle ourselves and our healing.  Our focus must be on ourselves – not on the other person nor on the event.  Our focus must be on our healing.  Part of this healing may include stopping the person from doing this thing again by taking it to the law or, depending on the situation in some other way.  Part of this healing may include helping others who have been similarly traumatized.

Your Healing Process Will Be Individual To You 

But the focus is on healing oneself and nothing else.  No blame, no revenge, no judgement as these things do not heal pain.  In fact they perpetuate it.

There will be soul-searching, acknowledging the pain, acknowledging what has happened and what one is feeling, acceptance, and letting go.  The process may be repeated many times but each time will be easier and lighter until the pain no longer has a hold on you.

What About Those That Witness The Trauma?

We have all witnessed in some way horrific events and even if we are not closely associated with those involved we have thoughts and feelings about it.  It affects us.  We feel compassion and empathy and often we want to help the ones that are suffering.  We feel anger and revulsion towards the perpetrator.  We may feel unable to do anything and this affects us as well.  Again we have a tendency to focus on the situation and want to blame or take out some form of revenge.  Blame and revenge do not heal.

Our healing will be similar to the one who has been hurt.  Again we must focus on ourselves.  We must look to our own process in this and it may include doing something active to help correct the situation but the focus must be on what needs attention within.

And If You Are The One Who Has Done This Terrible Thing?

Let us be honest here – we have all done things wittingly or not out of which someone has been hurt. We may be in some form of denial to make what was done seem not so awful.  We may have found ways to justify our actions.  Justification is simply another way to lay blame.

How do we heal if we are the ones who have hurt others?  It must start with acknowledging what has happened.  We must acknowledge the reality of what we have done.  Healing will again be similar to those that were hurt and often will include answering for the consequences of our actions.  But the focus must be on oneself.

Looking at the depths of one’s own darkness takes great courage.  As with all involved there will be soul-searching,  acknowledging the pain and darkness, acknowledging what has happened and what one is feeling, acceptance, and letting go.  The process may be repeated many times but each time will be easier and lighter until the pain no longer has a hold on you.


We must take responsibility for our own parts in any of these circumstances.  We cannot take responsibility for anyone else nor can we know what the situation is about for them.

What we can do is look to our individual process, healing and moving forward to a brighter future.

Posted in awareness, Fear, grief, healing, Living in Joy, Self Empowerment, understanding ourselves | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Changing Your World

Lately we have been discussing here how we attract in a collective way

Who or What is at Fault , We Create Everything in Our Reality?!

and I was asked when individual concerns would be addressed.  We will start with some examples that may be less charged than others and may be a little silly (we can always use a chance to laugh at ourselves).  And yet these can be true to life….

We all have preferences and often we find ourselves in situations where we are not receiving that which we prefer in our circumstances.  My Friends like to use ice cream as an example and I like that as well.

Let’s say you would like an ice cream treat so you go to the parlour to get some.  Your favourite flavour is Rocky Road so you are anticipating that wonderful serving of Rocky Road ice cream.  However when you arrive you see that they only serve Bubble Gum flavour which is one you don’t like at all.  Because you want ice cream you settle for a serving of Bubble Gum but it really doesn’t satisfy you and you throw most of it away.

You go back a few days later and the same thing happens – no Rocky Road and only Bubble Gum which you purchase and throw most away.  You repeat this procedure several times until you finally recognize that this situation is not going to change until you change.  What is the change you make within yourself?  Once you change “within” your “without” will begin to change as well.

As you look at all of what you feel when you are in the situation you will begin to see why you behave the way you do.

  • How do you feel when Rocky Road is not available?
  • How do you feel when you buy Bubble Gum and taste it and throw it away?
  • What motivates you to buy something you didn’t want in the first place?
  • Why do you keep going back for more of the same?

Some things you know for certain are:

  • that you desire Rocky Road.
  • You do not desire Bubble Gum.

So you change a behaviour by not purchasing the Bubble Gum.   You may still be disappointed that there is no Rocky Road but you are now not accepting something you do not like.  Once you begin to change within your outer world will also begin to change but be aware that it will not necessarily change in the time frame you think it should, nor will it necessarily change in the way you think it should.

Focus on the desire, not the Not Having of the desire.

You maintain your desire for a serving of Rocky Road ice cream and at some time it will come to you.  You may find yourself going to a different ice cream parlour where they always have Rocky Road, or visiting a friend who keeps it in her freezer just for friends like you.  Or you may learn how to make your own ice cream.  Simply be assured that you will get your desire of a serving of Rocky Road ice cream!

What about something a little more difficult, something within relationship?

For the ladies:

Every time you meet he plays “robin hood!”.  (For those unfamiliar with this ‘game’ someone pulls on the rear bra strap and lets it snap back)

Apart from this childish routine he is intelligent, caring and fun to be with.

For the gentlemen:

Every time you meet she licks her fingers and smoothes your hair.

Sorry Guys! I couldn’t resist this pic.

Apart from this unfortunate behaviour she is intelligent, caring and fun to be with.

As with the ice cream why do we keep going back for more of the same?  Why do we accept Bubble Gum or Robin Hood or Spitty Hair?  Yes, for starters we like ice cream and each other however we want to shift ourselves so that our outer world reflects something a little different.  We want the Rocky Road ice cream and we want to let go of being teased childishly or treated like a child.

  • We empower ourselves when we look within to know what it is that keeps us accepting something other than Rocky Road.
  • We empower ourselves when we look within and recognize why we allow and accept being abused in the name of “teasing”.
  • we empower ourselves when we look within and recognize why we allow and accept being ridiculed in the name of “caring about us”.

Look within!  When you can understand why you personally allow or accept what is going on you can then let that energy go.   You may not notice changes in your outer world immediately and there may be resistance within your interactions to accepting the new energy of who you are becoming.  And sometimes you will need to simply let the situation or circumstance go too.  Always remember that it is only you that you can change.  You cannot change anything or anyone else.  Your world will not change unless you do.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

Posted in Authenticity, awareness, Energetic Vibration, Law of Attraction, Manifesting, Our Subconscious, Self Empowerment, understanding ourselves | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Who or What Is At Fault?

We are needing to go deeper into the subject of blame.

  • Blame implies fault.
  • It requires our belief that an external impetus or a force is being exerted upon us.
  • It absolves us of responsibility.
  • It puts us in a place of denial.

We all do this consistently on an individual basis as well as collectively.  

Shifting Out of Blame

Here are a few sayings we have been hearing over and over:

  • You can’t change anyone but yourself
  • Be the change you want to see

Recognize that these sayings (which we are understanding better and better) puts the onus on ourselves!  There is nothing in them that indicates anything but Self.  Not one  thing else is involved in the change we may be wanting.  It is all about each of us individually and all of us collectively.

What We Don’t Like

We can list many things on a personal and collective basis that we experience that are not to our liking.  Here is a partial list of things, circumstances and people:

  • that threaten our physical well-being such as
    1. illness,
    2. accidents,
    3. bullies,
    4. war,
    5. poverty,
    6. destruction of the environment…


  •  that reduce or restrict our pleasure and creative juices such as
    1. morals,
    2. laws,
    3. beliefs,
    4. judgements…



  •  that deplete our sense of self worth such as
    1. grading systems,
    2. pay levels,
    3. critiques
    4. performance reviews….

  • that leave us feeling unloved and unlovable such as
    1. divorce
    2. abandonment
    3. neglect
    4. disregard

If we attract these things the question arises:

Why is this so and what can we/I do to shift our/my experience to one which is preferable?

Until we are willing to see how we fault others or circumstances we will not progress and Life will continue to show us that outside influences are the reason things happen.  As long as we believe something or someone is responsible for what is going on for us nothing will change.


Here’s a topic that most of us can relate to as we have all been affected by this illness in some way or another.

  • We think of cancer as something that hurts or threatens us.
  • We see it as invading our bodies and attacking our very existence.
  • We think we must fight it.
  • We initiate campaigns to raise money to continue research into how to battle this scourge.
  • We personify it and focus an enormous amount of attention on this” beast”.
  • We ask each other to join our cause against cancer by walking in support of it (now that’s the opposite of fighting it and is the same energy).
  • We ask each other to turn Facebook pink in support of breast cancer awareness.

All this activity, all this attention makes it bigger in our awareness and thus we see and experience it everywhere.  Whatever is in our awareness will bring us more.

Think of babies and you’ll be seeing babies and pregnant women almost every time you turn around especially if you are wanting to start a family.


But, How Do We Stop Cancer?

  • Stop focussing on it.
  • Stop fighting it.
  • Stop thinking about it.
  • Stop worrying about it.
  • Stop fearing it.

The more we push at it the more we bring it on.

This sounds flippant because for many of us it is a serious concern but in it’s being a serious concern cancer just got bigger!  And now we start trying to make it go away and then when it won’t we face it and fight it and it fights back.  And the cycle or vortex gets bigger and stronger and more difficult to release.

Let It Go!

Remember Bird Flu?  We were all so afraid of that but after a while our attention turned to other things and bird flu flew away!  Let it go and it’s gone!

When we stop putting money (which is energy) into research (which is mental energy) on cancer, when we stop fearing it, when the media stop entertaining us with the horrors of it, when we stop saying, “cancer killed these people” (this personifies and empowers it), when we let cancer go it will no longer be what it now is to us.

Personal Note

It has not been easy for me to come to this understanding.   My own experience with cancer includes the death of my son and I wanted to blame cancer for my loss and my grief.

How could I possibly have brought this on myself?  What energy within me is drawing experiences such as this?  What darkness do I hold that reflects such sadness to me?

The answers to these questions can only come with inner reflection as each of us individually will find the answers that apply to us.  How or why I and my son would share this experience will have different answers than those anyone else would have.  And yet, as I heal and release my energies around this experience that will help the collective of those experiencing similar energies.

It is not easy to look at the darkness or shadows within.  It takes courage but once that first beam of light (or awareness) is shone the darkness has no more power.

Posted in awareness, Beliefs, Energetic Vibration, Fear, grief, healing, Law of Attraction, loss of child, Manifesting, Self Empowerment, The Work, Uncategorized, understanding ourselves | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

Atheism’s Role in Our Evolution

Why would I be addressing this topic on a blog site that deals with Spirituality?  Simply put Atheism is a very spiritual point of view about Existence.  (We are all spiritual beings even if we may not see ourselves this way.)

My Identification With Atheism

I journeyed through Atheistic dogma – and yes it is dogma or simply another set of beliefs that are counter to traditional religious belief precepts.  Most of my life was spent identifying as Atheist.  As with others who see themselves in this way I felt deeply moved by humanity’s plight as well as the Earth’s.

I was entranced by the beauty of nature

and revelled in the glory of the creative arts. I felt fortunate to be alive and wanted to add whatever talents and capabilities I had to the greater good of humanity and our Earth.

A good portion of humans move through this stage in their spiritual journey as it is part of their process and may be linked to their personality type or one of their archetypes (energetic signatures).  Often one of the archetypes is the Rebel, the personality type may include a strong logical component or be focussed most on mental body attributes.

Blind Faith

Atheism is an equal and opposite reaction to the concept of an outside force or being that watches over us and takes care of us.

  • It is a departure from seeing ourselves as having no part in our Being-ness, in how our life transpires or in how we create.
  • It is a step towards understanding our individuality even though it often includes a strong sense of separation.

Atheism is a big step beyond blind, unaware faith.

  • It is a step toward understanding our creative potential.
  • It points out the inconsistencies of traditional religious precepts.
  • It points out that we are responsible for our reality on an individual and collective plane.
  • It begins to bring some clarity to what part we play in how our world appears to be and how our individual lives play out.

The Next Step

But human evolution and our spiritual evolution does not stop there.  We continue to grow and evolve.  All belief systems including Atheism contain a strong element of resistance to seeing anything other than the beliefs that are held so tightly.  If this does not sit well with us we need only look to any group that holds beliefs that differ from ours to see this resistance.

Letting Go of Beliefs

It is not easy to release our attachment to our beliefs.  We don’t like change.  Beliefs comfort us to some extent and yet they can cause us much suffering especially when they are inconsistent with our experience.  We will dismiss experiences that push at our beliefs as being coincidence or not real.  It takes huge amounts of energy to hold a point of view in place and even more to try to convince someone else of our point of view.  When we can relax our grip on our beliefs we experience an audible sigh of relief.

Atheism holds an important place in our spiritual evolutionary process.  Not everyone will proceed through it as it is not necessary for all to do so.  However, Atheism can point the way to the next step in our spiritual evolutionary journey.

Posted in Atheism, awareness, Beliefs, Social Conditioning, understanding ourselves | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

We Create EVERYTHING In Our Reality?!

This is a tough pill for us to swallow.

Especially when we experience something we feel we did not intend, when we see an event as random or when the events we experience appear to cause suffering either for ourselves or others.

It is perhaps a little easier to see ourselves as the creators of our reality when things are going well.  In actuality though sometimes events aren’t to our liking and we have trouble seeing that some energetic signature we hold has created what is.

It is especially difficult to reconcile such events in human history as the holocaust or other massacres, war, bullying, or any other form of pain and suffering that humans can and do inflict on each other, other beings and Earth.

Did We Really Attract This?

How can we say that any group of people wanted to be massacred or to perform a massacre?  How can we say that any individual wanted to be bullied or be a bully?  How can we say that any individual wanted to be physically disabled or become ill?  Well, no they don’t want these things.  And yet these things do take place.  And it IS that we create or attract it all.

This sounds simplistic and it is and at the same time it is complicated in that we create on many different levels:

  • individually
  • unconsciously
  • consciously
  • subconsciously
  • collectively – couples, families, communities, nations, all human-kind….

Creating Collectively

Let’s look at a large group of people such as those of a country or nation.  For example if we take Canadians as a whole we can say that collectively there is an impression that other peoples of the world have about Canadians.  We can describe Canadians in a general way and this impression we have of Canadians is what we see as their general energetic signature.

This doesn’t mean that an individual Canadian embodies these qualities but when this individual identifies himself as a Canadian he will be a part of the whole of what Canadian is.  (An individual who has always been Canadian can choose to no longer attach to an identification as Canadian and this creates a new kettle of fish for that individual.)

We can and do see ourselves and each individual nation as having specific characteristics or energetic signatures.  Americans, British, French, Swiss, German, Chinese, Japanese…..  As we tune into each we can see what signature is there.

How a Nation Might Manifest Its Experience

So let’s say Canadians as a whole carry an energy of “Let’s not rock the boat”.  (This is only an example and not necessarily the energy Canadians have.)  How is this energy going to manifest for Canadians?  It can manifest on many levels from very unhealthy to highly evolved.

Unhealthy Energetic Development

If Canadians are “not rocking the boat” out of a place of lower energy that is contained in fear of consequences the country might maintain a stance of staying out of the world limelight and not getting involved in anything that is happening worldwide.  The consequences of this could attract attention of unwanted proportions.

Healthy or Evolved Energy

However, should the nation be very healthy and highly evolved it may bring compassionate understanding to world events by involving itself quietly and consistently in humanitarian efforts.

These are only some preliminary concepts on how we create our reality.   We can say that even though we may consider ourselves to be of a particular nationality we don’t subscribe to the energetic signature of that nation.  However, simply by identifying with that nation we are in the vibrational energy of that collective.  Be aware too that as with individuals a nation has more than one energetic vibration going on.

Posted in Authenticity, awareness, Energetic Vibration, Law of Attraction, Manifesting | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Detox/Diet Update

I started eating again and although I was only consuming vegetables and fruits the weight crept up slightly.  I decided I’d watch my intake and found a cool app for my IPhone (free, of course!) that counts calories and will include your own recipes.

I’m a bit of an organization nut so keeping track is fun for me.  If it isn’t for you then don’t do it.  Life is about pleasure and enjoying the moment as it is.  In another post I’ll elaborate a bit on this as I know sometimes life is challenging – like I am being challenged with some extra weight….  But I am having some fun with this!

The other thing I’m doing is taking one or two days each week and only doing the lemon drink from the detox.  We’ll see how this works.  I know it increases my pleasure when tasting food again!

I have noticed that now I’m eating that my allergies have returned, some days more sniffly and itchy than others.  I have no notion as to why this is so and yesterday I caved and took an allergy pill.

My dear husband has stayed on this detox with some intense will power.  This is day 23 for him and he has lost 27 lbs.  His appearance is changing!  He says he still feels great and is determined to continue for the full 40 days.

People React

It is interesting to both of us how people react to his decision to do this.  He does not take comments personally but is intrigued by them.  He attends a weekly men’s breakfast and while the guys are consuming massive amounts of bacon and eggs he sips his lemonade.  Many asked if he consulted his doctor first.  And of course they try to push his buttons by offering some of their bacon.

We’re currently visiting our beautiful baby granddaughter so I’m loosening up on the diet strings for myself and focussing on playing with her.

Posted in Health and Well Being, Living in Joy, Social Conditioning | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Why Hate Doug the Dog?

We talked last time about perspective.  How we look at things and events determines our experience of them.  If we are seeing from the eyes of a wounded part of self we will have a very different experience than if we are seeing from the eyes of our Highest Self.

Who Determines Our Experience

“Ban This Facebook Page!!!”

I had a conversation the other day with a friend who invited me to vote to have a particular Facebook page removed.  There was a lot of interest generated in this page due to its content which went against the general grain of societal norms.  The page dealt with jokes about cancer and it’s title was meant to grab attention which it certainly did.

Here is an edited version of what I said to my friend:

I decided to go to see what that page is all about.

Have you watch the Pixar/Disney movie Up? There are a lot of dogs in this and Doug the Dog laughs at his own “joke” about squirrels getting caught by dogs. He says its funny because the squirrel dies. In a Disney movie? but in a way it was funny because of where the joke came from – a dog.

The page in question is titled Cancer Is Funny Because People Die and appears to be a play on Doug the Dog’s joke.

Let’s make some things clear:

  • First – my son died of brain cancer and
  • Second – no it’s not funny.
  • However, the page appears to be black humour which can be offensive to many.
  • I only saw one “joke” there as I scrolled through.
  • The majority of posts were riddled with invective directed at the page owner. And there were a lot of angry posts!

Black humour takes quite a lot of getting used to. When Mike was sick we did make jokes about the cancer process. It helped to laugh at it. Death scares us and actually we need not fear it. But really it is helpful to take some of the punch out of it with some dry humour. We all make jokes about dying.

But to get back to the page and the petition: I see no reason to spend any time or energy concerning ourselves with these “jokes” any more than I would focus more attention on Doug the Dog’s lame joke about squirrels. The more attention it gets the deeper into the rabbit hole we go.  The more we focus on something we don’t want the worse it gets.

What does concern me is the hate directed at the guy who started the page. Why hate Doug the Dog?

When we collectively act from a charged place we do ourselves no favours.  We play into the drama of the situation and drain ourselves of energy we might prefer to place elsewhere.  Such as:

  • looking to see why this bothers us so much.
  • What is really at the root of why this makes us angry, hurt, upset?
  • Why do we want to take out our unhealthy emotions in an unhealthy way on someone else?

When we find ourselves getting drawn into something like this it is good to step back and take stock of what is really going on within ourselves.  And then its good to laugh at ourselves a little.

Posted in Authenticity, awareness, Fear, Law of Attraction, loss of child, Our Self, Self Empowerment, Social Conditioning, understanding ourselves | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments